With the exception of last week due to General Conference, and the week before when I forgot to post, I had started a series of sorts regarding attributes to personal happiness. I am going to defer continuation of that series for one more week, as I wish to write today about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind for a few weeks now.
We have been and are often counseled to provide service to those in need..be it physical, spiritual or other needs. I have always felt the premise was that our needs would have less impact and be less in our immediate focus as we are helping others and/or we might realize that whatever we are struggling with is not really so bad compared to the needs of others. To some extent, I think both of those scenarios are accurate. But I have recently given this some thought from a different viewpoint.
I have heard, and experienced, the adage that you find out who your friends are when you are going through trials. And while I am not sure that is what is happening now, I definitely felt more support when my *husband was here than I have felt since he left. It seems that once he left, and once I filed for divorce, the support that was so abundant has been very scarce. I am very much aware that everyone has obligations and other issues in their life. I have and would never expect anyone to negate their family or professional or even personal responsibilities or struggles for my benefit. But, as I have attempted to reach out to those friends, I have been told, or it has been inferred, that my “help” is not needed, that I need to take time to heal.
What I have discovered is that part of my healing is to be needed. This may not be the case for everyone, but in my efforts to figure out who and what I am….I know that I am a caring and compassionate person, that I like to help people, and that I want to be as great a friend to others as they have been to me.
This is the different viewpoint that I wish to address…..I believe it is through service to and for others that our own healing can occur. Not because our struggles become insignificant compared to our friends; not because we forget our struggles when we are providing service, but because being able to help, to be a listening ear, to offer advice as requested, to offer assistance as we are able, DOES help the emotional wounds heal.
I will compare this to my son who injured his ankle the first part of March and is now receiving physical therapy to strengthen the weakened ligaments and muscles. He doesn’t necessarily like going to the therapy appointments; he definitely does not like doing the at home repetitions, but he has admitted that his ankle feels better on those occasions when he has done them consistently and when he has followed the advice of the therapist. The healing of his ankle is occurring by using it, by exercising it, by daily strengthening activities…not by sitting at home putting it up, resting or “letting it heal”.
I believe that my emotional healing will occur and continue as I am given the opportunity to be a friend, to be needed.
I encourage each of you who are taking time to heal…continue to do so…but also reach out to offer help to others. Your life—and theirs—will be blessed beyond anything you can imagine.
Reason number 3 for my continued journey to happiness is: My youngest son, Kraig.
He truly brings an inordinate amount of joy to our home and my life. He is a surving twin, born 15 weeks early and enduring and overcoming many many obstacles of his own. He is now 6, has recently been discharged from all special education classes at school, and continues to be equally a blessing and a challenge to raise.
As you’ve noticed by now, my children are my reason for getting up every day, for putting one foot in front of the other, for enduring the oftentimes painful and lonely journey that this has become. I not only want to be strong for them…I have to be strong for them…and that strength comes through being strong for me.
Next week, I will return to my self imposed series…and also share reason number 4 (if you are paying attention, you will guess that reason is my 4th child, Kraig’s twin angel brother.)
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