If you’ve been reading my posts for the last 3 weeks, you will know that I struggle each week with what to write. This week is no different, except that, this week, however, I am not wondering about subject matter…my struggle this week is which to choose and how to make it apply.
A good friend of mine is in the RS presidency in her ward in Vancouver, WA…and every few months she has the task of teaching in RS. She spends a lot of time in the weeks preceding her assigned day agonizing over selecting a topic and then compiling her lesson. Her most recent lesson is going to be my inspiration for the next several weeks’ posts. Her lesson was titled “Secrets of A Happy Life and A Successful Marriage”. Obviously, if you are a follower of my posts in particular, then you know that my marriage was not successful (if it was, I’d still be married). But, I believe the attributes discussed in her lesson have application in our other relationships (children, extended family, friends, coworkers, etc) as well as in our personal journey to happiness with ourselves.
One of the sacrament talks today was about forgiveness, and another friend in another state posted his sacrament talk on his fb last night….which, ironically, was about forgiveness. Last week, my post topic was forgiveness…my dilemma today was do I continue that topic as a part “b” this week or do I revisit it in future posts as it is one of the that attributes discussed in my friends lesson. It would seem that forgiveness is a common theme across the church…so, rather than over-talk it, I think I will address forgiveness again as it comes up in the sequence of the attributes discussed in her lesson.
What I have acknowledged in recent weeks is that I don’t know who I am. I thought I did. But since my separation, I have realized who I thought I was, the things I thought I liked, revolved around my marriage and my family. My identity was determined by the roles I played, whether willfully or not. My goal is to hopefully find the path to myself, to not only love myself, but more importantly to like myself. To look in the mirror and like what and who I see. But I have to know who she is first. By developing these attributes (and others as I move forward), I will discover the person I was intended to be, the person that got squashed and snuffed out so long ago. The person that Heavenly Father sees and calls “a child of God.”
And so…..the first attribute to develop is FAITH.
What is your first thought when you hear the word “Faith”? Mine is related to a couple of scriptures I learned as a youth…probably when I first joined the church at the age of 12 (almost 13—I was a beehive for all of 6 months!).
“Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” (Alma 32:21)
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
I have always attributed my survival of the challenges in my life to my faith. But what does this mean, especially in relation to my current journey? To me, it is trust. It is knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will take care of me…knowing that He has a plan…even if I don’t know or understand .. or even like what it is…there IS a plan. It is the hope of my future life with Heavenly Father that inspires me to press forward, by living the principles of the gospel to the best of my ability each day. (That is not to say I don’t mess up…I do. I sometimes let emotion get the better of me and I say and do things that are not Christlike…but I also believe in the Atonement and the power of repentance. Our goal is to strive for perfection…it will not be accomplished in this life.)
Acquiring faith in the midst of our trials requires effort on our part. A few thoughts from a talk by Elder David Bednar regarding learning by faith (Liahona, Sept 2007):
“Learning by faith and from experience are two of the central features of the Father’s plan of happiness.” Joseph Smith taught “The best way to obtain truth and wisdom is … to go to God in prayer, and obtain divine teaching.”
It takes faith to learn from our experiences, and we learn by faith by exercising trust in the Lord. Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “We can know…that God is our Father, that He cares about us individually and collectively and that as long as we continue to exercise our faith and trust in Him there is nothing to fear in the journey.” (“You Have Nothing to Fear from the Journey, General Conference, 1997).
I leave with you my testimony that if you move forward, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, your faith will grow. Your testimony of His infinite love will grow and you will feel and find his hand in all things. It takes work, prayer, and sincere effort, but the faith and assurance will come, in time.
P.S. I promised to share reasons 2, 3, and 4 for my continued journey to happiness. Reason number two is:
My second child and oldest son. He is 15 and a freshman in high school. He stands a full two heads taller than me (and I am by no means short). (And no, his jacket is not dirty…it is wet from throwing snowballs at his little brother–reason number 3, whom you will meet next week…)
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