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1.) If you could change anything about your pet, what would it be?
2.) Write a love poem to a favorite food.
3.) Describe a time when you felt left out.
4.) Read the quote and let it inspire your post: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. -Maya Angelou
5.) Social media is an amazing way to reunite with old friends. Describe a good or not-so-good experience you’ve had with it.
This could not have come at a more coincidental time....This is going to be short, simply because I don't have the emotional stamina to go into the details.
You've likely heard stories about former high school friends that have met on facebook or myspace...and either reignited a previous relationship or created one anew, even if one or both parties were married. The short story is that this is what has happened to me. January of last year, my husband told me he had found a former friend from high school on Facebook. I personally thought it was great that he was finding friends--I love facebook for this very reason. By early spring, I started to suspect their friendship was more than a simple reconnection....but did not yet suspect anything more than that. By mid summer, however, I began to suspect a whole lot more, even though I was assured multiple times that this was not happening and my husband was doing the things a husband is supposed to do...but these were just attempts to mislead me into a false sense of security; all the hopes I had for our future, the hopes I thought we had for our future, everything I was promised over and over have been shattered, all the plans we made to move forward and have a better stronger, marriage were just a lie. All the time and effort and money spent to improve and rejuvenate our marriage. Wasted. Now it is Jan, a year later, and after a very rough, rocky and emotional up and down 2010, I will soon be a divorced, single mom, just months shy of our 20th wedding anniversary.
We each have a different take on why this has happened. The how is simply that they each made a choice, they were both willing participants...but I also believe there are other issues at work...issues out of any individual persons control. To a large degree, his "choice" (and other behaviors I have only just begun to recognize) are a symptom rather than an action...a symptom that made me aware of other issues that I was conditioned to accept as a natural part of marriage and relationships, that I thought were "fixable", what I believe to be the "why" this happened....but that is a post for another day.
For my children's sake, my husband and I have agreed to get along, even though every fiber of my being would prefer to not ever see him again (and much of what I read suggests this very thing--related to the "why" that I have yet to discuss, mentioned above). However, because of our children, that is just not an option. I have also agreed, for my children's sake, to try to get along with her. I figure if she's going to be part of his life, then we need to get along...and ironic as this sounds, if if weren't for the circumstances in which we met, we might could have been better friends than what we will ever be.
(For the record, I refer to him as "my husband" simply because at the moment, we are still married.)
To say I'm a mess is an understatement....I am confused, hurt, raw, exposed, angry, abandoned; I don't understand how what I thought I had, turned into what I've now lost, 19 years wasted.
I feel my faith is being tested again...I feel betrayed and misled. I don't understand why I must suffer so much, why so much of what is happening in my life is out of my control, why what I thought I was promised through my faith and patience not only will never be but never could have been anyway. But mostly I'm just sad.
2010 was the worst year of my life.... As poorly as 2011 is beginning, I am hopeful I will finally find some peace and happiness in my life, something that has been missing for a very very long time (since before last year)...I just didn't know what it should be, to know what I didn't have.
12 comments:
Michelle,
I am so heartsick and sad for what happened in your marriage. I can't pretend to understand your pain or outrage and can offer you prayers and goodwill wishes that you will find peace in 2011. You raised beautiful kids and good things will come your way. Keep your chin up...
I'm glad to have stopped by from MamaKat's.
Blessings,
Eliz
Oh honey!! What a nightmare for you and your kids to be going through. 2011 can only get better right? The number of Facebook related divorces is continuously increasing...you are not alone. I'm so sorry!
I found you through Mama Kat's writing prompts today... in my in-box... all I can say, is I am also going down a very similar path... my husband also violated our marriage, I we are also going to split up.. our kids do not know yet... January has been hell... this all came down on Jan. 7th when we was out of town and lied to me about spending time with a twenty something college girl. He is 51. I am 48. Our kids are 13 and soon to be 12.
But, like you, there were other issues... this is just the last straw...
I do feel your pain... I feel your anger.. and it is all screwed as far as I am concern. Men...
I am so sorry. These FB affairs are like fantasies, looking for your youth, but that doesn't do YOU any good.
One of my ex's friended me on FB and started emailing me. One night I started sending some flirtacious (sp?) back. It was fun to feel that feeling again, when I was younger, sexier, prettier, healthier, and life was not as difficult as it is now.
Then I realized, what the heck was I doing??? I told him that what we were doing was wrong and I wanted no part in it. He kept it up but I ignored him. Every so often he tries again, I just keep ignoring him.
I wish you and your children all the very best and hope 2011 is YOUR year.
WOW! I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I know it's devastating but don't ever think of the last 20 years as wasted. You got wonderful kids out of the union. And everything leads to something else. There is plenty you shared and learned through that union and plety you will be able to bring to your next relationship and be a better person for it. Unfortunately, this is not as uncommon as it seems.
Found you throuh Mama Kat. I think the whole "find old friends on Facebook" attitude is BS. If people really are your "friends" they stay in touch with you. You shouldn't have to dig them up. My folks split due to adultery. It was no picnic being on the "kid" end of things. Just take it one day at a time.
Some advice from the kid who was there ~ My mom (the cheater) refused to ever talk about it. In her mind, what was done, was done and we should all just move on. I was 19 at the time and am 33 now and my relationship with her still feels like there's a wall in the way. She doesn't feel like a mom - she fells like a woman I happen to know.
My dad (the one cheated on) was always willing to talk about it - he had a steady stream of six kids from 9 to 19 crying, questioning, yelling, hurting...three of us too little to know about sex and adultery and three of us old enough to know the situation was more than just "mommy and daddy divorcing". But as raw, hurt, misled and betrayed he felt - he never turned us away when we needed to ask, yell, vent, or cry. I'm sure our hurt only added to his.
But let me tell you, it's made all the difference in how we relate to him now. He has our respect and our admiration. And, as adults, we still go to him, not mom, for advice, guidance, and a shoulder - because even at his worst moment, he was there for us.
Anyways, I just want to send some positive energy your way. It sounds like you want to take the high road with your own kids. It won't be easy. But believe me, it makes all the difference. My prayers are with you!
Similar thing in my life, ending an 18-year marriage. That was in 1994. I never thought I'd survive the next day, let alone the next week or month. Michelle, the years weren't wasted. Anything you can look at with openness and hope can be redeemed. The joy of my life now, these 15 years later, is deep and real, and not a miracle but a process of openness and acceptance. I pray for you, that you and your children will rise to the surface and float in hope and love.
I hope you can remember the years were not a total loss. You gained your beautiful children! It will get better and you have the power to make it better. Wishing you the best and much happiness in your future!
That is just horrible! I'm so sorry you had such a rough year...and after 20 years of marriage! What a shock it must have been to realize that his "friend" was more than a friend. I'm sorry!
Wow...this one took me off guard. I was expecting a sappy post about meeting a long lost love. Well...what can I say? I'm sorry for your loss, and by that I don't mean the loss of him, I mean the loss of a lot of things I know you were hoping for. Here's to new, better hopes...
I am so sorry. I can't imagine how all of that must feel. ((((hugs))))
I am your newest follower!
What an emotional post.
This is a downfall of social networking. I think it gives people the opportunity to create emotional bonds with the wrong people sometimes...allows them to hide behind a computer screen, until it's too late.
I'm so sorry you've been going through this. No matter what, God is still God and He knows where you've been, where you're at, and where you're headed. Even when it seems like the road is too rough or the load is too heavy, just remember to lean on Him! Praying that 2011 turns around to be one of the best years of your life.
*hugs*
~Mrs. Edwards
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